Softball and nerves

So since I started working at R&R 3 years ago, I have been playing on their coed softball team. I used to enjoy it. Not anymore. The team dynamic has shifted so that its all about winning. Don't get me wrong, I am a competitive person, however, I want to have fun while I am winning. I don't want to be miserable while losing, which is exactly what our team is doing right now.

As I said, I have been on the team for three years. The first season I played, we did really well. We had a great turn out for all of our games, even the ones on 8 am Sunday mornings. We had FUN. And how did the season end? We took second place in the championship.

The second season was not as good. It ended pretty early when a teammate was rushed to the hospital after getting hit in the face by a throw to second.

Now this season is about halfway through, and just like last year, the large group of people who signed up to play, don't show, and those that do have to pick up the slack. Even though I hate playing now, I still show up every weekend, ready to play. Even though I fucked up my ankle two weeks ago and have been limping ever since, I still play.

What has happened to this society that no one gets the basic idea of being a team player?

All I know is that on game day, my nerves get so bad, I am sick to my stomach. Every Sunday. Without fail. Gross huh? People wonder why I don't go out on Saturday nights when I have a game on Sunday. Can you imaging how bad it would be to have a hangover too? No thanks.

So to sum up, I have a bum ankle, I get physically ill before every game, I hate playing lately, and yet I still go to each and every game. And yet, there are girls who really want to play, but "the fields are so far away on the other side of town". Whatever!!