Just another Saturday night at home

It is softball time again, which of course means that I don't go out on Saturday nights because I like to be well rested for Sunday morning games. So I am sitting at home chilling out, writing. It's a good day - but it would be better if the Yanlees could just win this damn game right now. Its top of the ninth, 2 outs, Bubba Crosby is at first, with Bernie Williams at the plate. We are down one run. Come on Bernie - 0-2 count. You can do this!! I don't want to be 1-4 for the season. Bubba just took second on a wild pitch. Let's go BERNIE!!!!! God damn it. Yankees just lost. Bernie hit a bloop between second and third, fielded cleanly by the pitcher and he couldn't beat the throw. This season is NOT starting off very well and it is annoying the crap out of me.

So I was just sitting here thinking about people in my past. Why do I do this? Why do I wonder what the asshole is doing now? Why do I wonder if he is dating someone, or engaged, or married, or if he has children? We haven't been together for a VERY long time - why do I still wonder? I guess its not all bad right? I just hope that he is happy. How crazy is that? With the way he treated me at the end of the relationship I should hope that he is rotting in hell. But I don't. I want to know if he accomplished his goal of becoming an architect. I want to see if he has been able to heal and deal with his demons. I guess that says a lot about me in a roundabout way. I wish that I could reach out and contact him. I've actually wanted to contact him every now and then for the past few years. I just got an idea - I will write him a letter. But I will not send it. I will post it here.