More on the reunion
So here is the scoop on the reunion. Basically I walked into the room, and regardless of my friends being there with me, I once again felt like an outcast. It didn't help that some one felt the need to bring up my "tragic story". I wanted to put that behind me, but to have that be someone's first memory, once again forced me to realize that I am "different." For those who aren't familiar with growing up on Long Island, different is usually ostracized. Most people just want to be part of some group or another - to fit in. Maybe thats that way it is every where. I wouldn't know because I grew up on LI.
Every school I went to, it never failed. I was the outcast. St. Brigid's - I was normal just like everyone else in the beginning. Enter Michelle Esposito in the 3rd grade. Needless to say, I let myself be influenced by her, and as a result ostracized all of the people I had been friends with since I was 4. Over the next 3 years, it seemed like I destroyed every friend I had.
It worked out well that my parents decided to move me to another school. So in the 7th grade, off I go to Holy Family. (Surprise surprise Michelle, who had switched to a different school the year before, switched again, and ended up at Holy Family.) I walk into this school, not really wanting anything more to do with Michelle, since I could tell she was trouble, but not really being welcomed in by everyone else either. (There are some exceptions - most notably Vikki who I am still friends with.)
So over the course of the year, I end my friendship with Michelle. And I sort of make friends with some of the other girls. But there was one girl who was having none of it. Tara Ennis. This girl felt the need to humiliate me any way she could. From destroying my lunch routinely, to stealing my purse from my locker, pouring glue and glitter into it and hiding it. So it was hard to feel like a part of the group when people are treating you like crap and everyone else has been friends since they were in diapers - the very thing that I had lost.
And then it was time for high school. I had some friends in high school - some of which are still my good friends to this day. Holy Trinity was all about the clique. And I never fit squarely in any one clique. Through into the mix the absolute poverty in which we were living - no food, no power, no money for any of the necessities for survival - and you have a recipe for ostracism. And quite honestly part of it was probably self imposed. Yet another defense mechanism...
All of these feelings came rushing back at the reunion - and I couldn't rein them in. For the most part I felt like I was drowning. I thought I had gotten my self confidence issues under control. But I guess not. So it is back to the drawing board. I need to work on it. I dont want to walk into the 20 year reunion and have the same thing happen again.
So if anyone has any ideas on ways I can build my self confidence, feel free to let me know.
On a side note - the best revenge at a reunion is not recognizing someone. I was standing at the bar talking to Ciaran when I heard someone say my name. So I look over at this girl and I have no idea who it was. Sure enough - it was Michelle Esposito!!! Score one for me.
Every school I went to, it never failed. I was the outcast. St. Brigid's - I was normal just like everyone else in the beginning. Enter Michelle Esposito in the 3rd grade. Needless to say, I let myself be influenced by her, and as a result ostracized all of the people I had been friends with since I was 4. Over the next 3 years, it seemed like I destroyed every friend I had.
It worked out well that my parents decided to move me to another school. So in the 7th grade, off I go to Holy Family. (Surprise surprise Michelle, who had switched to a different school the year before, switched again, and ended up at Holy Family.) I walk into this school, not really wanting anything more to do with Michelle, since I could tell she was trouble, but not really being welcomed in by everyone else either. (There are some exceptions - most notably Vikki who I am still friends with.)
So over the course of the year, I end my friendship with Michelle. And I sort of make friends with some of the other girls. But there was one girl who was having none of it. Tara Ennis. This girl felt the need to humiliate me any way she could. From destroying my lunch routinely, to stealing my purse from my locker, pouring glue and glitter into it and hiding it. So it was hard to feel like a part of the group when people are treating you like crap and everyone else has been friends since they were in diapers - the very thing that I had lost.
And then it was time for high school. I had some friends in high school - some of which are still my good friends to this day. Holy Trinity was all about the clique. And I never fit squarely in any one clique. Through into the mix the absolute poverty in which we were living - no food, no power, no money for any of the necessities for survival - and you have a recipe for ostracism. And quite honestly part of it was probably self imposed. Yet another defense mechanism...
All of these feelings came rushing back at the reunion - and I couldn't rein them in. For the most part I felt like I was drowning. I thought I had gotten my self confidence issues under control. But I guess not. So it is back to the drawing board. I need to work on it. I dont want to walk into the 20 year reunion and have the same thing happen again.
So if anyone has any ideas on ways I can build my self confidence, feel free to let me know.
On a side note - the best revenge at a reunion is not recognizing someone. I was standing at the bar talking to Ciaran when I heard someone say my name. So I look over at this girl and I have no idea who it was. Sure enough - it was Michelle Esposito!!! Score one for me.
posted by Shannon @ 10:51 PM
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