Drama and life lessons
So, lots of self inflicted drama this weekend. I was at the bar on Thursday for a going away party and McMan asked if one of my friends was single. Talk about stabbing me in the heart! That set me off, so I held myself together as long as possible until I could get into the bathroom and cry a little. Once I was able to stop sniffling I went back to my seat and finished my beer. Once it was done I got the check and got the hell out of there, with out saying goodbye to anyone. As soon as I got in the car I just lost it and started bawling. It didn't help that the only person I really saw on my way out was Cajun Girardi who caught me off guard as I headed to my car. He asked if I was going home, so I said yes. And then he laughingly asked if I was being good, without even stopping or slowing down, I yelled over my shoulder, "I guess I am." Then I took off. Before I got home, my phone started ringing off the hook. The birthday girl and my friend had no idea where I went and they were worried about me. I ignored my phone for a while. Then I realized I was being a dumb ass, so I called the back, and they convinced me to go back to the bar. Which I did. As soon as I walked in Cajun Girardi started laughing at me. And then when I went to get a beer, McMan called me Grumpy and tried to give me a hard time. So as I said - all self inflicted drama. But I am over it all. I can't waste my life crying over things that I can not change or fix.
While all of this was going on, I was having a STUPID drunk text messaging conversation with SDM, who ironically enough knows that I gave him that nickname. There are only two ways he could have found out, but quite frankly I don't care that he knows. I know that sounds mean and callous, but it all boils down to the fact that he hurt me with the comment he made. (The one that I "misinterpretted"). And that's all fine and dandy. But before I knew that it was not meant the way it came across, I christened him SDM. I got my pain and my hurt off my chest. I found a way to let it go and be happy. Thats all that matters.
Boy am I growing up or what? In the past I never would have been able to get mad and just get it out of my system. I had become way too good and holding onto the hurt and the pain and letting it create a wall around me. For the longest time, 9 years too long according to many and they would all be right, I walked around with this bag full of all the hurt, and the doubts, and the scars from my (short lived) relationship with Greg. I am putting that bag down. Letting it go. Because I just don't care any more. Yes, Greg hurt me. Yes, I hurt Greg. Did he let me down? Of course. Was the relationship doomed from the beginning? Most likely. Does any of it matter? Not really. I just have to take the lessons learned from it and move on and try to make my next relationship better. This doesn't mean that I am going to do a complete 180 like Senator Sprinkles, but I will take some things into account.
Lesson #1 - Everything in moderation. Don't be needy or clingy. But also don't be aloof and cold. Find the happy medium that works for everyone without sacrificing yourself.
Lesson #2 - If you both have problems exclusive of each other, and neither one of you is dealing with them, your relationship WILL implode. Because, things that are ignored have a tendency of consuming all aspects of your life and morphing into other things. All issues need to be dealt with in life. This does not mean that you should cry to your boyfriend/lover/husband/significant other about how your parents don't love you and blah blah blah every time you open your life. But you should be able to expect him to support you when you do deal with them and vice versa.
Lesson #3 - Anger is a valid emotion. Use it. It helps. This is something that I just recently discovered. When you get angry, and you voice it, that weight on your shoulders gets a little lighter. If you are dating someone, and he treats you like shit, don't cry and wonder what you did to make him do it. Get mad and let him know that you won't stand for it. I know some of you are saying, but what if leaves me? Well, if he leaves then you are better off, since HE TREATED YOU LIKE SHIT!!!! Say it with me, "I will not accept mistreatment from anyone. I deserve better than that." Chant this over and over. Believe me it is true.
Lesson #4 - There is a difference between alone and lonely. Alone is not a bad thing. You do not need anyone to complete you. You come into this world alone and you leave it alone. If you feel lonely, then turn to your friends, your family, your pets, or even your plants. Join a class, meet new people. You can be alone and enjoy life. I swear. I do. You want to go see a movie? But none of your friends wants to go? So does this mean you don't see it until you can rent it? Hell no. This means you take yourself to the movie theater and see the movie you want to see. (You can start slow and see a matinee if the idea of going to a movie alone at 7 pm on a Saturday scares you.) Don't wait around for the man of your dreams to keep you company. If you do, you will miss a lot of life. (Think of it this way - when you do meet that guy he will enjoy hearing about what you gave done with your life, but he'll cringe if you tell him about all the nights you spent home whining about what your life isn't.)
So there. That is my philosophy of life/dating/relationships. Or at least a part of it. There is one more though...
Lesson #5 - Get out there. Life is what you make of it. Do what makes you happy.
While all of this was going on, I was having a STUPID drunk text messaging conversation with SDM, who ironically enough knows that I gave him that nickname. There are only two ways he could have found out, but quite frankly I don't care that he knows. I know that sounds mean and callous, but it all boils down to the fact that he hurt me with the comment he made. (The one that I "misinterpretted"). And that's all fine and dandy. But before I knew that it was not meant the way it came across, I christened him SDM. I got my pain and my hurt off my chest. I found a way to let it go and be happy. Thats all that matters.
Boy am I growing up or what? In the past I never would have been able to get mad and just get it out of my system. I had become way too good and holding onto the hurt and the pain and letting it create a wall around me. For the longest time, 9 years too long according to many and they would all be right, I walked around with this bag full of all the hurt, and the doubts, and the scars from my (short lived) relationship with Greg. I am putting that bag down. Letting it go. Because I just don't care any more. Yes, Greg hurt me. Yes, I hurt Greg. Did he let me down? Of course. Was the relationship doomed from the beginning? Most likely. Does any of it matter? Not really. I just have to take the lessons learned from it and move on and try to make my next relationship better. This doesn't mean that I am going to do a complete 180 like Senator Sprinkles, but I will take some things into account.
Lesson #1 - Everything in moderation. Don't be needy or clingy. But also don't be aloof and cold. Find the happy medium that works for everyone without sacrificing yourself.
Lesson #2 - If you both have problems exclusive of each other, and neither one of you is dealing with them, your relationship WILL implode. Because, things that are ignored have a tendency of consuming all aspects of your life and morphing into other things. All issues need to be dealt with in life. This does not mean that you should cry to your boyfriend/lover/husband/significant other about how your parents don't love you and blah blah blah every time you open your life. But you should be able to expect him to support you when you do deal with them and vice versa.
Lesson #3 - Anger is a valid emotion. Use it. It helps. This is something that I just recently discovered. When you get angry, and you voice it, that weight on your shoulders gets a little lighter. If you are dating someone, and he treats you like shit, don't cry and wonder what you did to make him do it. Get mad and let him know that you won't stand for it. I know some of you are saying, but what if leaves me? Well, if he leaves then you are better off, since HE TREATED YOU LIKE SHIT!!!! Say it with me, "I will not accept mistreatment from anyone. I deserve better than that." Chant this over and over. Believe me it is true.
Lesson #4 - There is a difference between alone and lonely. Alone is not a bad thing. You do not need anyone to complete you. You come into this world alone and you leave it alone. If you feel lonely, then turn to your friends, your family, your pets, or even your plants. Join a class, meet new people. You can be alone and enjoy life. I swear. I do. You want to go see a movie? But none of your friends wants to go? So does this mean you don't see it until you can rent it? Hell no. This means you take yourself to the movie theater and see the movie you want to see. (You can start slow and see a matinee if the idea of going to a movie alone at 7 pm on a Saturday scares you.) Don't wait around for the man of your dreams to keep you company. If you do, you will miss a lot of life. (Think of it this way - when you do meet that guy he will enjoy hearing about what you gave done with your life, but he'll cringe if you tell him about all the nights you spent home whining about what your life isn't.)
So there. That is my philosophy of life/dating/relationships. Or at least a part of it. There is one more though...
Lesson #5 - Get out there. Life is what you make of it. Do what makes you happy.
posted by Shannon @ 11:36 PM
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