A very Yankee Christmas...

Radaromalley will be jealous...

A very merry Christmas...

Here is a recap of my Christmas...

I woke up at 8:45 still not in the Christmas spirit. I called my brother and woke him up (keep in mind it was 11:45 on the east coast where he is.) Talked to him while I opened some presents. For the most part I got some really cool gifts, including a 30Gb Ipod, a Yankee clock, a Yankee piggie bank, the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry chess set, and a blender.

For the most part this was great stuff. However one of the problems of having divorced parents is that you usually end up with some duplication in gifts. This year, I got two blenders and two MP3 players. The blenders are no big deal since I can return one with out a problem. The mp3 players are a different story. First of all, when asked by all parties involved what I wanted for Christmas, my response was an MP3 player with a minimum of 20 Gb's to hold my extensive music collection. (Whats the point of an MP3 player if you can't store your entire library on it?) Well I kept stressing the capacity I needed. So my mom sent me a 30 Gb Ipod that is engraved with my name and nickname on it. She went above and beyond and I love it. My dad and my stepmother on the other hand got me a 1 Gb (yes that is "one" not a typo) Sony MP3 player. Don't get me wrong, had my mom not sent me an Ipod, I would have kept the one from my dad. But now I have a dilemma. How do I tell them that I need to return it without hurting their feelings? I just need to be honest I guess and tell them that I am returning the only one that can be returned.

Oh well, back to my new Christmas ritual, watching my favorite movie, Gone With the Wind. I'll post some pictures of my haul later...

Merry Christmas!

I hope all your wishes come true this holiday season...

Help me...

I know it seems that most of my posts lately are centered on Mystery Guy and my Hair Pulling theory, but too damn bad. It's my blog and I will talk about whatever the hell I want to write about. So there.

I need some advice in this situation. We talk all the time. He likes to make fun of me. Today he even put his hand on my arm to stress a point he was making. From where I am sitting, these seem to be signs that he is also interested. Did I mention that he likes to look me directly in the eye? He notices things about me - like the fact that I wear a Yankee pendant on my necklace. (This is not something that is out in the open - I wear it under my shirt and only occasionally does it come out.) Last Friday, a group of people were going to the bar after work. When I talked to him that afternoon at work, he asked if I got the invite and if I was going to go.

So the advice I need is this:
1. Am I reading these signs correctly? Does it seem that he is interested? Or do you think he is just being nice?
2. What kind of signs or signals can I put out that will encourage him to make a move?
3. Do I just ask him out my damn self?

So now I know that like 2 people read this blog, maybe 3. So I need each and every one of you to respnd and give me some advice. Dating has never been a strong suit for me, and unfortunately there is no text book to give me all the answers, so HELP ME!!!

Words of Wisdom

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
By George Carlin

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, and hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

Hair Pulling

Hair pulling is in full effect. Mystery guy decided that every time he sees me he pushes me, or he tries to nudge my knee so it buckles. And of course there is the ever present Yankee bashing. Got to love that!

It's funny, last week I was so miffed about the events of the Christmas party, but this week it's almost as if he seeks me out. (Or maybe I am just imagining that.) I don't know anymore. I want to ask him out but of ourse I am a chicken shit. (How many times have I typed that phrase in this blog! Too many...) One day I will get up the nerve.

There are certain things however that I think may stand in the way - and for once they are not my issues! He has mentioned my height a few times, but I don't care if I am taller than he is. Also, he doesn't seem to be overly religious, but his religion is different than mine, and he seems to have strong feelings against the religion in which I was raised. I see this as a non-issue because I am not religious at all. I am not a fan of organized religion, period. But then again that may be an issue. Who knows. The only thing I do know is that I am still interested in him.

On another note, through the wonderful site that is www.myspace.com, I was able to reconnect with a friend of mine that I went to high school with and have not spoken to in almost a year. It's always great to find those friends who meant something to you. Even though I am still pissed off at him for not signing my yearbook. Bastard!

Bah Humbug

I am not in the Christmas spirit this year. At all. I just can't seem to get there. And it is beginning to piss me off. I want to enjoy this season - it has always been my favorite time of year. I went to my office Christmas party on Friday, and I just did not enjoy myself at all. I tried my damnedest. It seemed like everyone who was having a good time annoyed the hell out of me.

So I have a crush (shock and surprise!!). Mystery guy has perked my interest quite a bit. He is just so, for lack of a better word, mysterious. I want to know his story. I want to find out what has made him who he is today. But I can't seem to get in. When we talk, which isn't enough in my book, he seems to get pleasure in trashing the Yankees (a big no-no.) I think he does this because he knows it bothers me. I talked to Loco about him recently and we have a theory. I'm calling it the "Hair Pulling" theory. When we were young, when a boy liked a girl, he pulled their hair because they don't know how to express how they feel. Loco and I firmly believe that this is what he is doing. But I can't be sure. Mystery guy was part of the reason I wasn't having a great time at my company Christmas party. (Yes Mystery Guy works with me.) We would run into each other every now and then, say hello, and then go our separate ways. Towards the end of the night, I noticed that he was deep in conversation with a girl who doesn't work with us, that I know did not come with him. I think she came with another girl that we work with. It just got under my skin. I wanted to be the one having a conversation with him, but it never seems to happen in any social situation I'm in. Arrgghhh!!

Then to top it all off, as I was leaving Loco sent me a text message telling me that she saw McMan at the bar and he had the CD's he has been promising me for weeks. So since I was leaving anyway and the bar is right by my house, I took a quick detour. When I got there, I found Loco and Ken Doll first, then went to grab a beer and say hello to McMan. First words out of his mouth - "They are transferring me." WTF??? First they move Bartender, and now McMan? This is ridiculous. I was upset about it. The only good thing is that he is being moved to a bar that isn't too far away. He isn't too happy about it either. And of course, he didn't have the CD's with him. He swore that he would bring them in on Saturday since he was working from noon to midnight.

So Saturday I walk into the bar at about 10 pm. All I want to do is get the CDs and get out of there. I have not been feeling well and I still had a few more errands to run. So I walk in and say hello. McMan grabs a beer for me, I said "Don't I'm not drinking tonight" He responded that one beer is not drinking. No big deal, I drink my beer and then I said I have to go, so he gave me the CDs. As I was leaving my friend Caroline came over to give me a hug and wish me happy holidays. There was this guy who was walking around the bar, he says to me "I want a hug!" I'm like "Seriously?" So I gave huim a hug. Then he asked me to stay and have a beer with him. I said okay since he seemed nice enough and he wasn't bad looking. Turns out Bumbles (I did not give him that nickname his friends did) had been at the bar since about 11 am and was pretty drunk by the time he started talking to me. I was basically humoring him, which is always the best thing to do if they are drunk. Well when I found out that he had been at the bar since 11, I said thank you very much for the beer and I took off. I was not sticking around.

Well on Sunday I went back to the bar to give McMan his CD's back since Sunday could have been his last day at the bar. I had baked cookies that morning so I decided to give him some. So I give him all this stuff, including a new CD for him and a copy of one of the ones he lent me since it doesn't belong to him. Once he sees everything I brought he said that I rock. My response was "Took you long enough to figure that out." Then he asked if I wanted a beer, I said no since I had a lot of errands to run. He told me to come back and see him on Monday. So tonight after work, I think I will have to watch some MNF at the bar and have dinner. Damn it, it makes me really sad that he has to transfer to another bar. Management sucks. As I told McMan as I walked out on Sunday, "This is the worst Christmas gift EVER."

Self Inflicted

Self Inflicted
by Smile Empty Soul

You see these cuts and bruises
Isn’t this all so amusing
I feel the emptiness of just another day in hell

My life is so confusing
Do this to myself I'm losing
I guess I’m only proving what every one can see but me

And I won't let myself be happy
I cut myself just to feel the pain
And I won't give up anything for you
I’m going down and no one can save me
I’m going down and no one can save me

I am cold my legs are shaking
There’s no hope right now I’m begging
For just one sign to show me someone out there really cares
My clothes are soaked up crying
There’s no doubt I know I’m dying
I did this to myself and that’s the part I can't believe

And I won't let myself be happy
I cut myself just to feel the pain
And I won't give up anything for you
I’m going down and no one can save me
I’m going down and no one can save me
I’m going down and no one can save me

These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted

And I won't let myself be happy
I cut myself just to feel the pain
And I won't give up anything for you
I’m going down and no one can save me
I’m going down and no one can save me
I’m going down and no one can save me
I’m going down and no one can save me
I’m going down and no one can save me

A Christmas Poem

Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, in
A one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney with presents to give,
And to see just who in this home did live.
I looked all about, a strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.
No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.
With medals and badges, awards of all kinds,
A sober thought came through my mind.
For this house was different, it was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.
The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,
Curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder,
Not how I pictured a United States soldier.
Was this the hero of whom I’d just read?
Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?
I realized the families that I saw this night,
Owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world, the children would play,
And grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas day.
They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year,
Because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas eve in a land far from home.
The very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees and started to cry.
The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice,
"Santa don't cry, this life is my choice;
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,
My life is my god, my country, my corps."
The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours, so silent and still
And we both shivered from the cold night's chill.
I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark, night,
This guardian of honor so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure, whispered,
"Carry on Santa, it's Christmas day, all is secure."
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right.
"Merry Christmas, my friend, and to all a good night."

This poem was written by a marine.