Since I haven't really posted in a while...

Its been a while since I posted anything. Just to fill you in, I got my butt into the gym, although I am not going as regularly as I had planned, but at least I am getting in there. I just need to figure out what my goal is. I can't do anything without a goal. There needs to be an outcome that I am working towards. I am still working on what that might be - I have some general ideas but I need to really nail them down.

On the work front I am extremely busy at the moment. Which on the one hand is great, but on the other I occasionally feel overwhelmed. But with the fact that they expanded my team and gave me the support that I need, so I am no longer an account team of one trying to do three people's job, its making things easier. Maybe easier isn't the right word - bearable is more like it. But after the review that I had last week, and the panic attack the week before, I know that I need to step my game up. I am "average" according to my supervisor. I HATE AVERAGE. I don't like that at all. Before I was promoted last January I was considered the best for that particular position. Thats a place that I feel comfortable in. And average is not acceptable, which is probably why I had a panic attack thinking that I was going to be fired. I don't feel like I am doing a good job unless I am doing a better job than everyone else. Damn am I competitive or what?

Now to the love life. Once again nothing is really happening there. I still have feelings for Mystery Guy, but the paranoid girl in me thinks that he may be involved with someone else in the office. (Warning: Venting full speed ahead) Let me explain about Psycho Chick. This girl seemed normal and nice. We even became friends, hanging out outside of the office, discussing personal things in our lives. (Please note that I have had a very hard time being friends with women - mostly because most of the ones I know are fucking psychotic. There have been few exceptions, namely Lu, Dragonfly, Loco and Loop.) All of a sudden, she just went nuts. I was able to catch a glimpse of how she truly was - PSYCHO. So I cut off all contact. This girl was kind of dating a friend of mine and she just messed with his mind, kept breaking off the relationship, and was sleeping with someone else that we worked with. It just became one big mess that eventually seeped into the office.

Basically it seems like every time I turn around Psycho Chick is there. Always trying to force her way in. Whether it is with my friends, me, or people that I like. And she did it just recently with Mystery Guy. The company recently had our annual meeting. So during the meeting I was sitting with Mystery Guy. We had a quick break so I went to check email, run to the restroom and grab a drink. While I was doing this I kept checking to see if Mystery Guy had gone back to his seat. I finally saw him back in his seat so I headed over. Before I could get there, Psycho Chick comes out of nowhere and sits next to him, in MY seat. Since he was sitting on the end of the row I had to sit on the other side of PC. I was not a happy camper. Of course I jokingly said "You stole my seat." She proceeded to act all innocent and she basically just let me know that she saw him sitting all by himself. I wanted to scratch her damn eyes out. Anyway, right before the meeting got started again, she got up to grab a drink, so I took my seat back. God I can be really immature... LOL

Well thats it for now. I'll fill you in on more later.