Congratulations are in order

My good friend Lemon called me at about 6:20 this morning. I was sound asleep when she called and quite startled by my cell phone ringing. When I answered the phone, her first words were "Oh shit! I forgot about the time difference!" I told her not to worry about it. I always worry when I get a call from the east coast late at night or early in the morning - usually I answer the phone mentally preparing myself for really bad news.

This call was no different. As Lemon asked if I was sitting down, my mind was racing through all different scenarios like death, car accidents, terminal illnesses, or unplanned pregnancies. I should have known better though. I usually get those phone calls in the middle of a busy work day.

So next thing I know, Lemon bursts out with "I'm engaged!!" I am screamed right along with her with that announcement. I am very happy for her. She truly deserves all the happiness in the world.

I do have to say that I was very proud of myself for my reaction - specifically the questions I was able to ask while being half asleep. Not to mention the fact that I don't comsider myself much of a girly-girl and I usually forget to ask for details. But we ran down the usual list - how did he do it, when, where were you, were you surprised, have you thought about a date or a location, etc.

Bottom line - Lemon is happy and I am happy for her.

Best Advertising Slogans of 2006

Once again it is time to vote for your favorite slogan. Please click the link below to vote. (And I don't want to sway any one's decision, but I personally think "What Happens Here, Stays Here" is one of the best.)

http://advertising.yahoo.com/advertisingweek_06/slogan_poll.html

The Fat Boy Saga

So I was recently given another client at work. This one is an odd client, because technically it is a division of the agency that I work for. I find it a humorous situation simply because I am stuck working with Fat Boy again.

A little bit of back story - each of the partners in my agency have strong personal relationships with high level executive clients. Which means most of the staff has a partner somewhat involved in the business that they work on. The partner who is involved in one of my clients is Fat Boy. Fat Boy is also a fairly new addition to the agency as he is not an "advertising" guy per se. His career has been spent in another industry that the other partners are very fond of and fits quite well with what we do for our clients. Back in January, Fat Boy decided he needed to be even more involved in the account. Having never worked with him before, I had no idea what to expect.

Turns out he is a pompous jack ass. But then again he thinks that everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm, so I can easily insult him to his face and keep my job. (Score for me.) Needless to say, we did not get along very well. He was causing more problems for the account and making everything more difficult than it needs to be. So they switched the account directors on the team to add a buffer for me. This situation was working out perfectly.

Then about three weeks ago, they decide I will be the perfect fit to work with Fat Boy yet again. All I can think is wonderful! I have to put up with his schizophrenic management style yet again. Not to mention the fact that he is known for his epic drinking and partying and his absolute love of his "phone-puter" (his words not mine) and the fact that he likes to be able to get in touch with everyone at any time.

So far it hasn't been that bad. Quite actually, its been interesting, and there might even be some nice perks involved. My cell phone may be upgraded to a Palm Treo (I am a dork but I hope it comes through.) And, I may have to do some travelling to our other offices - including our office on the east coast. If that trip happens, I may have to see about scheduling it later in the week so that I can stay over the weekend and visit some of my favorite places in that particular city. We'll see what happens.

Here's hoping that my insults continue to be taken as sarcasm!

I am so done

I am over it and so completely done with the whole thing. I completely overanalyze and think about things way too much. Nothing will EVER happen, so I am just going to let the thought go. End of story. Done. Finished. If I don't let it go now it is just going to drive me crazy. So I am done. And that's all I am ever going to say on the subject.

More on the reunion

So here is the scoop on the reunion. Basically I walked into the room, and regardless of my friends being there with me, I once again felt like an outcast. It didn't help that some one felt the need to bring up my "tragic story". I wanted to put that behind me, but to have that be someone's first memory, once again forced me to realize that I am "different." For those who aren't familiar with growing up on Long Island, different is usually ostracized. Most people just want to be part of some group or another - to fit in. Maybe thats that way it is every where. I wouldn't know because I grew up on LI.

Every school I went to, it never failed. I was the outcast. St. Brigid's - I was normal just like everyone else in the beginning. Enter Michelle Esposito in the 3rd grade. Needless to say, I let myself be influenced by her, and as a result ostracized all of the people I had been friends with since I was 4. Over the next 3 years, it seemed like I destroyed every friend I had.

It worked out well that my parents decided to move me to another school. So in the 7th grade, off I go to Holy Family. (Surprise surprise Michelle, who had switched to a different school the year before, switched again, and ended up at Holy Family.) I walk into this school, not really wanting anything more to do with Michelle, since I could tell she was trouble, but not really being welcomed in by everyone else either. (There are some exceptions - most notably Vikki who I am still friends with.)

So over the course of the year, I end my friendship with Michelle. And I sort of make friends with some of the other girls. But there was one girl who was having none of it. Tara Ennis. This girl felt the need to humiliate me any way she could. From destroying my lunch routinely, to stealing my purse from my locker, pouring glue and glitter into it and hiding it. So it was hard to feel like a part of the group when people are treating you like crap and everyone else has been friends since they were in diapers - the very thing that I had lost.

And then it was time for high school. I had some friends in high school - some of which are still my good friends to this day. Holy Trinity was all about the clique. And I never fit squarely in any one clique. Through into the mix the absolute poverty in which we were living - no food, no power, no money for any of the necessities for survival - and you have a recipe for ostracism. And quite honestly part of it was probably self imposed. Yet another defense mechanism...

All of these feelings came rushing back at the reunion - and I couldn't rein them in. For the most part I felt like I was drowning. I thought I had gotten my self confidence issues under control. But I guess not. So it is back to the drawing board. I need to work on it. I dont want to walk into the 20 year reunion and have the same thing happen again.

So if anyone has any ideas on ways I can build my self confidence, feel free to let me know.

On a side note - the best revenge at a reunion is not recognizing someone. I was standing at the bar talking to Ciaran when I heard someone say my name. So I look over at this girl and I have no idea who it was. Sure enough - it was Michelle Esposito!!! Score one for me.

By the way...

Ciaran - I accidentally rejected your comment instead of publishing it... But I agree the subject of my last text on Saturday was ridiculous and stupid. That is the part of the reunion that I think I am the most embarassed about.

The Reunion

So one of these days I will sit down and give me (non-existent) loyal readers a recap of the reunion events, but since I just got back home, I think I will wait for another day. The one thing I will say is this - I wish that I had the self confidence that radar omalley has. The minute I walked in the room, whatever confidence I had flew right out the window and then proceeded to begin drinking as a defense mechanism. Needless to say I don't necessarily like how I behaved this past Saturday night. I thought I had conquered a few demons in the ten years since high school. Turns out they were just hiding beneath the surface.

Thanks Ciaran

So I have been quite lazy about my blog recently, but with work as crazy as it has been and having another client dumped into my very full lap, all I can say is tough noogies.

So, I was reading Ciaran's LJ and he was talking about his family crest. Which prompted me to look into mine.

The Doherty family crest features a stag rearing up and a green stripe with 3 stars. The green denotes hope, joy, and loyalty in love. The stag represents policy, peace and harmony. Because the stag is red, there is an added symbolism of military fortitude and magnanimity. (Which explains why my dad kept trying to get into the Marines over and over, despite routinely failing the medical exam. The final try was either going to result in being classified F4 or finally getting in. He got in, but by the time he made it overseas the war was over and he had to come home.)

In doing my research, I came across the family motto which is "Ar Nduthchas". How's this for a lame motto - it means "Our Inheritance" or "Our Heritage".

I am such an over-emotional girl...

I am a little sad today. My good friend, the first person I worked with at my current job, is leaving. She has been offered a position on the client side. This is a great move for her, but I just can't help feeling sad. She is, and will continue to be, my best friend on the West Coast, but its going to be hard not seeing her all the time, and not being able to go over to her desk to say hello, or to hide out while I procrastinate.

I felt the same way when Dragonfly left the company. It really is the end of an era. I guess I will just have to continue to do the best job I can, and keep in contact with these people who have become my family.

Change sucks.

Blank

it's been a while
since tears flowed
down my cheeks
and it makes me worry
have I given up
have I given in
it seems strange
not to have extreme emotions
like i don't know
what to do with myself
the tears and the rage
the hurt and the pain
are more of a comfort to me
than this silence
this nothingness

On the Sidelines

all I do is sit and watch
observing the word
as it rotates
spinning me out of control
the path never deviates
all I do is sit and watch
I want to be out there
doing something
taking action
but my feet stay rooted
the fake smile plastered
on my face
I don't know how
to put myself in the game

Incoherent

the ink flows
from my pen
letting it all out
getting it all out
thoughts crowded in my brain
mashing together
becoming incoherent
suffocating almost
until I put pen to paper
letting loose the flood gates
opening the door
but even on paper
they can't be organized
no sense can be made of them

Ludicrous

The idea is
pure insanity
I have to be crazy
to think the way I do
to imagine this scenario
deranged
it's impossible
there is no way
it could work
but why can't I stop
thinking about you
and how it could have been

Unrest

I lay in my bed
unable to shut my eyes
something is missing
I ache for your presence
envelop me
comfort me
make me feel safe
I can not rest without you

Get Out

Why are you in my head?
Why can't I evict you?
Who gave you permission
to occupy my mind?
I didn't.
I never said you could.
Get out.
Leave.
You are not good for me.
Like a virus, you attack.
Leaving nothing
but an empty shell
in your wake
Get out.
Leave.
You are no good for me.
I can't have you here.
I have to force you out.

Compulsion

The antiseptic wipe was cold in the oppressive heat of summer.
Slowly she dragged it along her skin,
pushing the fine hair on her arms.
Methodically, she cleaned the area in preparation of her ritual.
Once the arm was satisfactorily sterile
she turned her attention to the razor,
taking special care not to accidentally cut her fingers.
As soon as the cleaning was complete,
she pressed the sharp blade to her sterile arm,
etching the familiar pattern into the pliant flesh.
Blood flowed freely, yet she was careful
not to let any get on her pristine white shirt.
A sharp intake of breath accompanied
each slice of the blade.
There was no pain in her face,
just pure pleasure.
When the task was complete,
she gently cleaned both the wound and the instrument with rubbing alcohol
relishing the sting
as if it were her climax.