Why do I bother?

So here is what is going on so far...

McMan maybe getting back together with his ex. I think I overheard something to that effect when I was watching the Yankee game at the bar this evening.

I saw Bartender a week ago and he did not even say hello. It may have been because he was busy, but I don't think the bar was all that busy. I mean is it asking alot for him to come over and see a quick hello, or at the very least to give me a wave from across the bar. Nothing. Which is slightly amazing considering the signals (I thought) I got from him before he switched bars. Or maybe absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder.

I am pretty sure that nothing will happen with Cajun Girardi. It is just a feeling I get. I mean he is very cute, but as far as I know he has not been "associated" with anyone since I met him, but something is telling me that he has. But again that means nothing, it's just a feeling I have. None of my friends can really figure out what his type is. Quite frankly I am a little upset with him. I am trying to figure out why he is always laughing at me. Seriously, I am not that funny. I don't do anything that would require so much laughter. And I certainly hope that my looks aren't inciting his humor. That would suck. On a positive note, he can crack my thumbs, and I make him do it every day. God I wish I could crack my own thumbs!!!

That is really the extent of all of my (non)possibilities. I really need to stop looking, but then again, if I am not looking, then I am not "putting myself out there". It is a catch 22.

On another note, my finger is actually broken. When I hurt it playing football two weeks ago I went to Fremont Medical Center to have it looked at. The doctor initially told me he thought it was broken, but he wanted a radiologist to confirm. He put me in a splint (which held my finger immobile in a straight position) and told me to follow up on Monday or Tuesday of the following week. So on Monday I called to see if I needed to come in, etc. When I called I was told that the radiologist didn't see a fracture or any dislocation. So I made an appointment for the following evening. After waiting two hours to see a doctor, I am told to get one of those stress balls and squeeze it a few times so that I can get full range of motion back in my finger. He also tells me that, and I quote, "I don't want to scare you but if you are still in pain next week, I want you to come back, because there is a slight chance that you have tendon damage." He then starts to try and explain what tendons are. At this point I stopped him and said I knew what a tendon was. He gave me a prescription for Naproxen and said to make an appointment for the following week. Since I was completely unsatisfied with this response, I decided to see an orthopedic.

I saw Dr. Vahey today. Here is the amazing part, he was running a little bit behind. So having worked for an orthopedic, I assumed that I would be waiting a few hours. Not so. I was in and out in a little over an hour. He looked at my xray briefly. Asked me what happened, glanced at my xray again and said, it's broken. I have what is called a volar plate avulsion fracture. This doctor took the time to draw me a picture of my finger so I understood what was going on. He also told me that I should never have been put in a splint. The splint is the reason why my finger is stiff now. I have scar tissue below the joint where the volar plate (a peice of cartilage that acts like bone) gets stuck when trying to move. Had I not been put in a splint, scar tissue may not have been able to form there. So I now get to have about two and a half weeks of physical therapy. Mondays and Wednesdays at 4:30. After my last PT appointment I will also have my last appointment with Dr. Vahey if needed. He was a great doctor who I would recommend to anyone who needs to see an orthopedic who specializes in hands or wrists. So my fear from last night has been relieved.

OMG

I thought I just lost my previous post right when I went to publish it! As radaromalley would say, that would have sucked big hairy donkey cock. I am still trying to figure out what happened, and ultimately how I recovered it, just in case something like this happens again.

For the curious few, I hit publish post and it asked me to sign in again. Which I did. As soon as I signed in, I was taken back to the Dashboard where I would normally choose to edit or create a post. So I hit back, and got that lovely expired/please refresh warning, hit back a few times, clicked forward a few more times, refreshed, and then next thing you know the post was publishing. Which is good, great actually, because I hate trying to recreate something with the same vibe and passion. It just never comes out as good as the first time.

Wish me luck - I have an appointment with the hand surgeon tomorrow. My worst fear is not that I would need surgery, its that I'll get there and he'll tell me I am fine and that I need to stop imagining things. I am such a dork, hurting myself in practice, before the damn game even started...

Drama and life lessons

So, lots of self inflicted drama this weekend. I was at the bar on Thursday for a going away party and McMan asked if one of my friends was single. Talk about stabbing me in the heart! That set me off, so I held myself together as long as possible until I could get into the bathroom and cry a little. Once I was able to stop sniffling I went back to my seat and finished my beer. Once it was done I got the check and got the hell out of there, with out saying goodbye to anyone. As soon as I got in the car I just lost it and started bawling. It didn't help that the only person I really saw on my way out was Cajun Girardi who caught me off guard as I headed to my car. He asked if I was going home, so I said yes. And then he laughingly asked if I was being good, without even stopping or slowing down, I yelled over my shoulder, "I guess I am." Then I took off. Before I got home, my phone started ringing off the hook. The birthday girl and my friend had no idea where I went and they were worried about me. I ignored my phone for a while. Then I realized I was being a dumb ass, so I called the back, and they convinced me to go back to the bar. Which I did. As soon as I walked in Cajun Girardi started laughing at me. And then when I went to get a beer, McMan called me Grumpy and tried to give me a hard time. So as I said - all self inflicted drama. But I am over it all. I can't waste my life crying over things that I can not change or fix.

While all of this was going on, I was having a STUPID drunk text messaging conversation with SDM, who ironically enough knows that I gave him that nickname. There are only two ways he could have found out, but quite frankly I don't care that he knows. I know that sounds mean and callous, but it all boils down to the fact that he hurt me with the comment he made. (The one that I "misinterpretted"). And that's all fine and dandy. But before I knew that it was not meant the way it came across, I christened him SDM. I got my pain and my hurt off my chest. I found a way to let it go and be happy. Thats all that matters.

Boy am I growing up or what? In the past I never would have been able to get mad and just get it out of my system. I had become way too good and holding onto the hurt and the pain and letting it create a wall around me. For the longest time, 9 years too long according to many and they would all be right, I walked around with this bag full of all the hurt, and the doubts, and the scars from my (short lived) relationship with Greg. I am putting that bag down. Letting it go. Because I just don't care any more. Yes, Greg hurt me. Yes, I hurt Greg. Did he let me down? Of course. Was the relationship doomed from the beginning? Most likely. Does any of it matter? Not really. I just have to take the lessons learned from it and move on and try to make my next relationship better. This doesn't mean that I am going to do a complete 180 like Senator Sprinkles, but I will take some things into account.

Lesson #1 - Everything in moderation. Don't be needy or clingy. But also don't be aloof and cold. Find the happy medium that works for everyone without sacrificing yourself.

Lesson #2 - If you both have problems exclusive of each other, and neither one of you is dealing with them, your relationship WILL implode. Because, things that are ignored have a tendency of consuming all aspects of your life and morphing into other things. All issues need to be dealt with in life. This does not mean that you should cry to your boyfriend/lover/husband/significant other about how your parents don't love you and blah blah blah every time you open your life. But you should be able to expect him to support you when you do deal with them and vice versa.

Lesson #3 - Anger is a valid emotion. Use it. It helps. This is something that I just recently discovered. When you get angry, and you voice it, that weight on your shoulders gets a little lighter. If you are dating someone, and he treats you like shit, don't cry and wonder what you did to make him do it. Get mad and let him know that you won't stand for it. I know some of you are saying, but what if leaves me? Well, if he leaves then you are better off, since HE TREATED YOU LIKE SHIT!!!! Say it with me, "I will not accept mistreatment from anyone. I deserve better than that." Chant this over and over. Believe me it is true.

Lesson #4 - There is a difference between alone and lonely. Alone is not a bad thing. You do not need anyone to complete you. You come into this world alone and you leave it alone. If you feel lonely, then turn to your friends, your family, your pets, or even your plants. Join a class, meet new people. You can be alone and enjoy life. I swear. I do. You want to go see a movie? But none of your friends wants to go? So does this mean you don't see it until you can rent it? Hell no. This means you take yourself to the movie theater and see the movie you want to see. (You can start slow and see a matinee if the idea of going to a movie alone at 7 pm on a Saturday scares you.) Don't wait around for the man of your dreams to keep you company. If you do, you will miss a lot of life. (Think of it this way - when you do meet that guy he will enjoy hearing about what you gave done with your life, but he'll cringe if you tell him about all the nights you spent home whining about what your life isn't.)

So there. That is my philosophy of life/dating/relationships. Or at least a part of it. There is one more though...

Lesson #5 - Get out there. Life is what you make of it. Do what makes you happy.

I can't stop listening to this song

I was watching the Yankee game tonight at the bar and of course, being Friday, GM & McMan are behind the bar. Well last time I saw McMan he suggested that I listen to a band called Rise Against. I have never heard of them before. Tonight McMan started telling me how great they are and that I REALLY need to hear their song Swing Life Away. Well he pricked my curiousity, so on my way home I stopped at Borders. I picked up their CD, Siren Song of the Counter Culture. Got in the car, put it in, and skipped to track 11.

This song is amazing. It is beautiful, sad, and happy at the same time. I want to cry tears of joy listening to it. I have it playing on repeat now and I don't know when I will be able to stop listening. I love it.

Swing Life Away by Rise Against
Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer or we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long I think that its time to move
The winter's so cold summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
And I've got some friends some that I hardly know
We've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

swing life away
swing life away
swing life away
swing life away

Vote or die

As part of Advertising Week 2005, the LVCVA’s What happens here, stays here slogan has been nominated for slogan of the year. The best part is we get to help push Las Vegas over the top. If you’ve not voted yet, please do. If you have voted, and know someone who has not, send them a note. I’m talking family, friends, cousins, in-laws, and neighbors. Oh heck… just spam your whole address book.

To vote visit http://advertising.yahoo.com/advertisingweek_05/slogan_poll.html and scroll down about three quarters of the page to find What happens here, stays here.

I have (another) crush...

I am in lust with a boy that I know. He is absolutely HOT. We are talking smoking hot! He is 6 foot tall, with dirty blond hair, the strongest shoulders I have ever seen and his arms! Oh god his arms are like machine guns. And he has the cutest butt. Damn! He is from New Orleans originally - all of his family is still there and they are fine - and he has a slight accent which is oh so yummy. He is a really nice guy, very entertaining, and a lot of fun to be around. And he just broke up with his girlfriend. (Don't get me wrong - I like his ex. She is very sweet, but losers weepers, finders keepers.) Down side? He is a bartender. Not really known for their stellar relationship/faithfulness abilities. But that is puting the cart before the horse a little bit.

So he needs a nickname. I could go with the obvious (Cajun boy or some derivative) but since I use a similar nickname (Cajun Girardi) I don't want to confuse anyone. I could use Cain or Cane, but that is too close to his actual nickname for my liking. So I think I will settle for McMan.

Other nicknames that I have come up with for people that I routinely talk about:
1. The girl who I always hang out with at PT's - Loko
2. My friend at my office with the cute brother - Dragonfly.

That's it for now...

Dreams

Have you ever dreamed a dream that was so realistic and wonderful that the moment you woke up all the happiness and contentedness you experienced in the dream crashed in a fiery mess? I have. Quite a few times. I had a dream like that last night. I swear this dream was so realistic, and I was so extremely happy in it, that I wish I could sleep forever just to experience it, since I have never experienced joy like that in my waking life.

I am sure you were wondering what I could have dreamed about that would instill that kind of feeling in me. Well I didn't win a million dollars, I didn't meet the Yankees or anything like that. In my dream someone loved me. And I in turn loved them. In my dream this person truly cared about me. It wasn't even that they showered me with gifts, money, flowers, romantic trips. There wasn't any of that. They looked forward to seeing me. They cared about my safety. They had my back. They cared. And I felt the same way. I could be me. I could express my fears and they didn't run away from it. They embraced it and comforted me. They loved me. And it was wonderful.

In my life I have never experienced anything like it. I have been chsing this dream in my waking life for as long as I can remember. And that is the problem. I have been chasing it. Always looking for it but never finding it. I look at all the relationships that I have had in my life and the basic reality of them all is that I have been struggling to get that kind of love from them all. Even my parents. Especially my parents. Growing up I never had parents that expressed that love. My dad didn't. My mom wouldn't. And I tried as hard as I could to make them. Trying to be the good kid and stay out my dad's anger so that he could have room to love me. Trying to be quiet and neat so that my mom could relax and have the energy or the desire to love me.

Andrew wanted no ties, but I didn't see that. All I could see was that I wanted him to love me. It didn't occur to me that he needed to get out of where he was and loving me wouldn't let him do that. Greg had too much on his plate to make room for loving me. But once again I envisioned this unrealistic relationship and, of course, was disappointed when it didn't happen. Since then, I see these men who I think that I lik, so I create these visions of what a love would be like with them, always ignoring the reality of the situation. Maybe that is why I have not experienced the love that I glimpsed in my dream. I don't know. Nor do I know how to attain that feeling. Hell, I haven't been successful in getting even a bad relationship in 9 years. Maybe I am not destined to experience it. All I know is that I am done looking for it in real life.

Well I am going to take a nap and see if I can get back into that dream. Since it seems like the only place I can experience love is in a dream...

My latest acquisition...

Isn't this the coolest clock?

Pssst.... Morgan.....

Morgan you must get the shirt on the far right for me (and for you if you want one). And you have to send it to me before October. This might mean you have to take a trip to the Bronx, but hell for that shirt it is worth it. Oh yeah - get me two of them - one to frame and one to wear...

Proof that I am a dork ... and other random photos

Funny how odd my hand looks wrapped up like the mummy...
















That is actually the position my finger was in before the splint went on it. I couldn't bend my finger at all.
















This is of course the back side of my hand for anyone who was wondering.















I am permanently giving poeple the finger these days...
















Tomorrow is always another day...

I am such a dork

So I joined a flag football team. (All because Cajun Girardi joined - we aren't on the same team but everyone hangs out afterwards.) Our first game was last night. My team decided to practice a little bit last night before the game. So we are all throwing the ball around and I tried to catch one and I grabbed it all wrong. I thought I had just jammed my finger, so of course I pulled it out trying to make it pop. It wasn't a big deal so I just kept going. The game was so much fun. It's amazing how quick the adrenaline starts pumping. I even caught the ball and got my team a first down. I was pretty much a blocker and a rusher which I have to say was a lot of fun.

When the game was over I looked down at the finger I jammed. It looked like a sausage. It was so fricken swollen and it started to throb. Again I didn't think too much of it. Until I got to PT's. Then I realized that not only was it swollen, but it was bruised and discolored. What a mess. So I put some ice on it and went home to sleep.

When I woke up this morning it was pretty much in the same condition. So as soon as I got to work I decided to call the doctor. I had an appointment at lunch time. My doctor took some xrays and of course he is pretty sure that it is fractured. He said he would have a radiologist look at it and that I should follow up on Monday or Tuesday. He also said that I might need to see an orthopedic!!!! So I now have a splint on the middle finger of my left hand holding it up. My first broken bone and it just has to be my middle finger.

On another note, I spoke (aka text messaged) with SDM yesterday. One of our mutual friends sent me a message about the situation and shed some light on his point of view. So I sent him a text message saying that I appreciated his apology, but he needs to try not to make me cry again. He apologized again and said that he didn't mean to hurt me. So that situation is back to normal. (Normal being one of the strangest relationships I have had with another person in a long time since there really is no definitive term or label that you can put to it. Unless I make one up - Text Message Buddy?)

The saga continues...

Latest text message:
"Sorry for the other day. I had a fairly wretched weekend. Sorry if some of my aggravation got displaced on you."

I still have not responded. I don't think I will. Although something tells me that if he sends me one more text message in this increasingly apologetic tone, I may have to say something. I don't know.

I always swore, after watching the soap opera that was my parents, that I would never let a guy hurt me and get away with it. I don't ever want to be the girl lets a guy hurt her over and over, and always takes him back because he gets down on his knees and apologizes. I won't be that girl.

I am so done

I had a wonderful weekend - for the most part. I went out with some friends (and Cajun Girardi!!!) on Friday night. We all had a wonderful time. We went to a local country/cowboy themed bar. It's known for it's mechanical bull and line dancing. Normally this wouldn't be my thing, but I said what the hell. I even line danced!! Cajun Girardi and I were out on the dance floor quite a bit. Both of us were pretty drunk so it was absolutely hysterical - keep in mind that I have no coordination even when sober, but CG is much worse. And the best part was that he was trying to teach me! But he was great, very protective of me and my friends, making sure no one was bothered by any drunk losers. When I finally got home at 4:30 I was ready to sleep for a few days. Interesting story though - at some point, and I do not remember why this came up, but CG said he was not a good boyfriend because he can be a bad guy, he "crushes" women. I still have no idea what he meant by that. No worries though, the way I look at it, even if nothing romantic happens with him, he is still a nice guy who I would want to be friends with.
Now to the bad part. The Yankees had a three game series against Boston starting on Friday. The Yankees won on Friday. Good thing for me. There is this guy, I'll call him SDM, that I hooked up with quite some time ago, who I haven't seen since, but I have text message conversations with him quite regularly and he is as much a die hard Boston fan as I am a Yankee fan. So I sent him a message saying "Boston sux". I didn't expect a response since I sent it pretty late. Well when I woke up on Saturday at the ridiculous hour or 9 am (since I had a baby shower to get to) I noticed that I got a response. Here is what it says:

"Kiss my ass you chunk bitch. Cleveland is still a half game ahead of you."

What the fuck? Who the hell does this asshole think he is? I am very proud of myself for not responding to his message. Because what I wanted to say was that he has a tiny fucking dick, I've seen preemie babies with fingers bigger than his prick, he's certainly not in the best of shape, and quite frankly, he didn't do much for me. But I didn't say a thing. I bit my tongue.

Needless to say that didn't leave me in the best of moods. To be quite honest, I was very hurt, sad, and upset. Who says such hurtful things to someone? But I sucked it up, showered, put on a happy face, and took my hungover self to the baby shower. Well, during the shower I switched my phone to vibrate so it wouldn't interrupt the party. As I was getting stuff cleaned up I noticed that I had another message from SDM. Well I was in no mood to check it. But curiosity kills the cat, and I am a sucker for punishment, so I read it. What does SDM say this time?

"By chunk I meant chunk of Yankee loving filth"

Is that supposed to be an apology? I certainly don't think so. Needless to say, I have not responded to him, nor will I, but I do have something to say...

In the words of 20 Fingers, DON'T WANT NO SHORT DICK MAN!!!!

Get the fuck outta here, iny weeny teeny weeny, shriveled little short dick man

I can't see and yet I can

So I keep thinking about Cajun Girardi. I feel like I am a giddy girl in high school. Of course, since I can never keep my mouth shut, I told one of my coworkers about the phone call on Friday. She laughed at me, just like I expected. Not too mention that while at work I kept looking for him (covertly of course.) I didn't see him in any of his usual spots for most of the day. So I planned to go to the coworker I told the story to, so that I could jokingly tell her that I think he was avoiding me. As soon as I rounded the corner towards her desk, I looked up and saw him. Talking to her. I kind of hesitated for a half second. Once again awkwardness ensued, we both kind of looked at each other, said "Hi, how are you, good, great" at the same time. It's like I don't even know what to say. I know what I want to say, but I don't know how he will respond, and that scares me. I feel like I am socially retarded in situations like this. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am always rejected.

On another subject, I finally went to have my eyes checked today. Let me explain my ocular history briefly. I am the only member of my family who does not wear glasses or contacts full time. I had my eyes checked when I was younger (around high school or college), at which point I was given glasses for distance (meaning I was farsighted - right?). So I wore these on and off for a while. I never could get used to wearing them. Then, when I moved out to Vegas 5 years ago I had my eyes checked again. This time I was told that I was nearsighted and I was given glasses for reading. Again, I started off pretty good, but I never could get used to the glasses so they ended up gathering dust.

Well late last week my friend yelled at me since I had my head resting on my desk while I was writing, so I made an appointment to have my eyes checked. Well, guess what the deal is now. You got it - I am far sighted in my left eye and near sighted in my right eye. So what does this mean? Basically that in most normal functions I have no real need for glasses, however, I have NO DEPTH PERCEPTION. This explains why my batting average has been slumping lately, why I can't catch a fly ball, and most of all why I have issues driving at night (i.e. if I am making a left turn I have a hard time seeing the center median). So my doctor said I have two choices - I can wear one single contact when playing sports (no choice there I am NOT putting anything in my eye) or I can get a pair of glasses to wear when driving at night and when I play softball.

The only downside - since my company provides vision insurance I have to go to a VSP provider. Lenscrafters is not a provider, and they are the only place I know where I can get glasses right away. So I have to wait 7 to 10 days before my glasses are ready. The good thing - I am not necessarily a bad soft ball player - my eyes are just fucked up.

This is a happy day!!

I can't wait to run out and pick this up today!!


HBO's first original live-action children's series, Fraggle Rock debuted January 10, 1983, under the watchful eye and nimble fingers of Muppetmeister Jim Henson and his team of puppet manipulators. The action took place outside the home of an avuncular inventor named Doc. Unbeknownst to anyone but Doc's dog Sprocket, a tiny civilization lived beneath the huge rock outside Doc's house. This was Fraggle Rock, home of the fun-loving Fraggles, the hardworking Doozers and the dictatorial Gorgs. Eighteen inches tall and bearing furry tails, the colorful Fraggles wanted nothing more out of life than to eat radishes and enjoy themselves. The 6 inch tall Doozers were the "worker ants" of this community, constantly building towers. Ma, Pa and Junior Gorg were obese, overbearing monstrosities who ruled Fraggle Rock from their gloomy, Gothic castle. (Or at least thought they did!) Outside of Sprocket, who every so often accidentally tumbled into the tunnel that led to Fraggle Rock, the only liason between the Fraggles, Doozers, and Gorgs and the outside world -- or "Outer Space," as they called it -- was the resourceful Travelling Matt, leader of the Fraggles. Leaving his nephew Gobo in charge, Travelling Matt made several forays into the big world, sending back postcards describing the awesome wonders that he'd witnessed (commonplace to us, fascinating and overwhelming to him). A typical Muppetized blend of zany comedy and prosocial proselytizing, the 96-episode Fraggle Rock was seen in first-run on HBO for five seasons. Beginning in 1986, the series was rebroadcast on the TBS cable superstation; and in 1987, an animated version of Fraggle Rock premiered, also on HBO.

I can see that you were all very worried...

Thanks for your concern. (If you couldn't tell this is sarcasm! I expect my faithful reader(s) to notice when I don't write anything in 2 weeks.) Enough said.

So I had been talking to this guy from back east for a while. It wasn't really anything - we just had some interesting conversations - which were mostly initiated by me. No big deal. So I was texting with this guy last weekend and he made a comment that was just annoying so I haven't talked to him since. What was it he said you ask? He said "You know there is no us right?" WTF? I live on the west coast, he lives on the east coast. Of course there is no us. I know that. The conversation was no where near any topic that might resemble an "us" discussion. Don't get me wrong - I have been the psycho girl in the past - but not this time around.

That was actually the same night that I drove across town to see Bartender. I need to explain. Bartender is (shock & surprise) a bartender! He used to be at the bar that my friends and I always go to. But, he recently moved to a new bar in the chain that opened on the other side of town which is conveniently near where he lives, yet inconveniently nowhere near where I live. So I have been going to this bar for over a year now and during that time I have gotten to know Bartender. As time went on we taked more and more, just the usual how are you type of thing. Never anything of much substance. Where I work, we have a lot of happy hours, and many times we move them to a local bar. For a while there, everyone was going to the bar that Bartender worked at. Which worked great for me, since I got the credit (which I didn't necessarily deserve) and many free drinks as a result.

One night in June, he tells me that he won't see me the next Friday since he is going on vacation with his girlfriend, who I will call PBW. (You figure out what the initials stand for.) Then he proceeds to tell me that if things don't go well than he will break up with PBW since they have been having problems. And of course his coworker GM pipes up and says that no one likes her. So Bartender continues to tell me that he doesn't really like his girlfriend, even though he lives with her. So then he says if it doesn't work out, then he will move to my side of town and he won't switch bars.

On Friday nights, Bartender and the GM work the bar. Bartender and GM planned to hang out on their last Friday night working together after they get off shift. I had a going away party to go to that night at another bar, but as soon as I could make my get away I left and went to see Bartender. One of my friends was going to meet me up there when she got off work. So I got there, and of course my friend was running late, which wasn't a big deal. But Bartender kept coming over to see how I was doing. But much friendlier than normal. Everyone was in a great mood. GM comes over to ask us if we want to go have a drink with them. We were very noncommittal in our response. So a short while later Bartender comes over and asks if we want to go out for a drink with them. Something to keep in mind here is that, Bartender was looking at me the whole time and ignoring my friend. (This was my friends observation not mine.)So I tell him that as long as he doesn't give me another drink before we left then we could.

So as the night progressed we were all acting pretty silly, I can't even remember exactly what we were talking about, but I asked him how tall he was. He said, "How tall does it say on my license, or how tall am I really?" So I say, "How tall are you really?" He says 5'7". About 20 minutes or half an hour goes by and he asks me how tall I am, so I say 5'11". As he was walking away he whispers, "Never had a chance". I wasn't sure if I heard him right so I didn't say anything. We had a good time. I went into the bar again before his last day and I put a note on the counter (long story short - one night me, my friend, GM, and Bartender passed notes to each other like we were in 3rd grade) that said "Will Shannon miss Bartender?" and check boxes for yes and no. He cam over and checked yes, and then put "Will Bartender miss Shannon" and only one check box for yes. We both laughed. Well since this all happened the week after I got back from 2 business trips and a vacation, and I had no food in the house and no inclination of going food shopping, I went back to the bar one last time before he left, and when I left I put a note on the bar that said "I wish you didn't have a girlfriend." I left before he saw it.

I have seen him once since that note, when I went to his new bar with some of my friends who live on that side of town. I really didn't get to talk to him since his new bar is always packed. But he did say hi and he sounded a little surprised that I drove all the way over there. Oh well. I am not going to do anything about this (non) situation until PBW is out of the picture. I'm not that girl.

Boy I am really making up for lost time here...

There is another guy that I like. I will call him Cajun Girardi. He works at my office, but not for my company. He is a real sweetheart (or at least that is the impression that I have gotten.). He is younger than me by about 3 years, a little bit shorter too, but he is a Yankee fan too. I kind of have a thing for him. I think he is really cute. Especially with the accent he has! And that lower lip can just drive me insane. Anyway, on Friday night I kind of called him randomly. Nothing happened other than him acusing me of being drunk. Which I wasn't at all. 100% sober. Which is funny since I usually need a few drinks in me to get that ballsy. Any way, we talked for about a minute before I got off the phone. My friend (who I really need to come up with a nick name for since she is the same friend as the one I mention in the Bartender story) tried to convince me to go up to where Cajun Girardi was hanging out. I didn't go for two reasons. First of all I am a chicken shit. Second of all, there was no invitation forthcoming, and I wasn't about to show up there alone at 1 am after just finding out where he was. Of yeah I guess I forgot to tell you that the only reason I was able to call him at all was because I know he forwards his office phone to his cell phone and I did not have his cell phone number. So we will see what happens when I see him at work tomorrow. Wish me courage and luck.

Thats it for now. Boy crazy signing off.